16-year-old rebuffs absent dad when he breaks down about missing her high school graduation: 'He said I was punishing him for being human'

The most overwhelming yet eventually rewarding part of being a parent is that there are no days off from it. Once you sign up to be a mom or a dad, that label is with you for life, unless you fully renounce it. Even those who share custody of their children and may not be under the same roof as them all the time have a responsibility to show up for them if they ask. It is a sacrifice that has to be made.

That being said, we all know that there are plenty of parents who fail to live up to expectations when it comes to this duty. While it is understandable to have some frustrations with the full-time nature of parenting, those who shirk their role at every turn should not be surprised when the consequences come back to bite them. It's the definition of making one's bed and having to lie in it.

Author image for Ally Perry Ally Perry
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  • 01

    AITA for telling my dad he doesn't get to play the hero in my story anymore?

    I (16F) just graduated high school last week. My dad (46M) wasn't there. Not because he couldn't be but because I didn't want him there. My parents divorced when I was 11. He was never a bad dad in the obvious ways, no yelling, no hitting. He was just not there. Birthday calls at midnight, not because he cared but because he forgot until the last second. Cancelled visits. Ghosted parent-teacher meetings. He called me his "princess" but missed every single play I ever acted in. At some point I st
    via omg_2364
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  • 02
    Cheezburger Image 10521382912
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • This is how one teenager felt when her father reprimanded her for not telling him about her high school graduation. He had been divorced from her mom since she was 11, and for years, she felt like he had neglected his parental duties by failing to show up for her or events that were important to her.

    As a result, she chose to only invite her mom to her special day, which upset her dad when photos were uploaded to social media. She stood firm in her decision, but some of her family were upset by her response, and she wanted to know if she had been too harsh.

  • 03
    Last summer, I had a solo at a performance I had worked on for months. I texted him the details, he said he'd "100% be there." He never came. I checked my phone while backstage, mind you phones were sort of prohibited, thinking maybe something happened. Nothing. He called the next day and said he got "distracted." That was it. No apology. This year, I graduated. I gave my speech as valedictorian. My mom was there. She brought flowers, took pictures, held me when I cried. I didn't tell my dad any
    via omg_2364
  • 04
    But then my aunt posted photos online. My dad saw them. He called me crying. Like, full-on sobbing. He asked me why I didn't give him the chance to "be there for the biggest day of my life." He said I was "punishing him forever for being human." He said he loved me. I told him, very calmly, that he doesn't get to show up for the photo when he skipped the whole story. That I wrote this chapter without him, and he doesn't get to staple his name onto the ending. Now my family's split, saying I was
    via omg_2364
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  • 05
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    via Patrycja Jadach (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 06

    Outsiders applauded her strength.

    shontsu That a daughter should always give her father a chance. Dad here. Thats bulls . A father should always be there for their daughter, not the other way around. Remind anyone who tells you this nonsense that your mother didn't need to be given chances, she just showed up. NTA.
    via shontsu
  • 07
    CraneDJs Completely. Why didn't he call and ask about her life? Why is it her job to remind him to care about his own child. What a donkey.
    via CraneDJs
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  • 08
    Ammmye If he really cared, he wouldn't need reminders. Love isn't proven by showing up once it's built by consistency.
    via Ammmye
  • 09
    Ok-Refrigerator2000 Yup. School have these thing called schedules that are open to the public. How out of touch does he have to be to not know when his daughter is graduating?
    via Ok-Refrigerator2000
  • 10
    SugarCanKissMy ss NTA and this: he doesn't get to show up for the photo when he skipped the whole story. That I wrote this chapter without him, and he doesn't get to staple his name onto the ending. was bada . I've been through the comments that come from cutting off a parent (I know that you haven't said that you're doing so but the comments you're receiving are similar) and I know that it can be irritating. Those people are coming from a place of love but they're not understanding that to you
    via SugarCanKissMyss
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  • 11
    SL8Rgirl NTA. If he wanted to he would. Graduations are posted on the school's website at the beginning of the school year. He could have figured it out and been there for you. He failed to show up on all the days you invited him to your big moments, why would this be any different? You have every right to protect yourself from his negligence. Blaming you is the easy way out for him, that way he doesn't have to take accountability for any of his bad behavior.
    via SL8Rgirl
  • 12
    EbbWilling7785 Look if he was even half engaged in your life he would have known you were close to graduation and would have asked when the date was. I stopped bothering to tell my parents about things as well, expecting absence is better than hoping and being let down again and again.
    via EbbWilling7785
  • 13
    ArtemisStrange NTA. It's absolute bs that a daughter always has to give her dad a chance. He's had chances and blown them all. Your reasoning was sound, and you're entitled to say "no more, I'm done" to anyone who continually makes clear that you're not a priority. Anyone, including family. Stay strong in your convictions, don't let them guilt you. You're right. And you put that beautifully, he doesn't get to staple his name onto the ending after you wrote the chapter without him.
    via ArtemisStrange
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  • 14
    Epoxos NTA bada answer. You're right. He wasn't there for your story and doesn't get to hop in at the end. Also, be real, would he have shown up?
    via Epoxos
  • 15
    sheaintheavy NTA I've said this before and I'll say it until the day I d¡3: "When someone shows you who they are, believe them (Maya Angelou)."
    via sheaintheavy
  • 16
    Roa-noaZoro NTA he didn't even TRY to ask when your graduation was
    via Roa-noaZoro
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  • 17
    JimShoeVillageldiot If he and the family keep up the pressure on you, escalate the situation. "If you think not inviting dad to my HS graduation is a problem, just think when my wedding comes around." Your father was not there for you. He will not be there for you in the future. He will not change. Do not expect him to.
    via JimShoeVillageIdiot
  • 18
    CrazyOldBag NTA. Your dad taught you himself that he couldn't be relied on. Every chance you gave, he screwed it up. You owe him absolutely nothing. He's given you nothing, so you're just matching his energy. Go out and live a fantastic life. Keep your mom close and forget that your dad exists.
    via CrazyOldBag
  • 19
    fomaaaaa Someone who doesn't show up for the every day doesn't deserve to be invited to the special events. NTA
    via fomaaaaa
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  • 20
    ArreniaQ No, tell them all: A father should always be there for his child! NTA
    via ArreniaQ
  • 21
    thandi81 You told him facts. And no you don't own him anything. He has proven over and over and over you are a last thought
    via thandi81
  • 22
    Princesshannon2002 NTA. Stand strong, young friend. You can and should set healthy boundaries for yourself. If all your nay sayers want a relationship with Sir Flakes a Lot, then they're welcome to try to do so, but you've made your point. ALSO, you're a child and he's an adult. It is not your responsibility to manage his emotions or make him feel good about his lack of investment in your relationship. Don't cast your pearls before swine. They're yours and precious. I'm proud of you and for you!
    via Princesshannon2002
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